Is Privacy A Part Of Your Wellness Routine?

This post was originally published May 2019

Throughout the years, especially these social media ones, we’ve all benefited from those who choose to drop chunky, detailed truth bombs for public consumption. Even if we’re the ones doing the dropping.

Whether it’s a vocal R. Kelly survivor sparking a much needed movement, a Youtuber contributing to mental health normalcy by sharing her experience with anxiety attacks or even old Cardi giving us a tour of behind-the-pole stripper culture… to witness a fellow human unapologetically or courageously own themselves is like a signed permission slip for us to do the same.

And for that I am forever an appreciative onlooker as well as a meaningful contributor. But as we continue to use public platforms as our primary means of “connection” moment-to-moment, sparked by our willingness to share… I wonder just how much we’ve stretched our expectations when it comes to human interaction and I’m hella curious about the downside of that.  

Cause let’s face it, there’s a downside to everything.

Right now, personal branding is an inescapable obligation for many of us on the yellow brick digital road to getting paid for being ourselves.

And we all know the paid part is more about others vs. ourselves since it requires evidence of audience engagement. And that audience is formed by a web of resonance. Resonance requires a level of openness and openness is a prerequisite for intimate relationships.

But when in excess, this openness can create a fantasy form of intimacy where boundaries are non-existent and entitlement is as easy to come by as oxygen. Without limits what we’re really experiencing is simulated closeness.

And so the better and more frequent we get with resonance, the more someone might mistake this simulated closeness with real AF closeness.

This is probably why a young job seeker, might jump into their favorite influencer’s DMs with a “Hey girl…” instead of sending a “professional” email-- something a solid handful of my peers abhor.

However, the line between professional and unprofessional can get smudged when we’re twerking on IG Stories as proof of authenticity to whoever’s looking on. And yet twerking on IG Stories can be hella fun, light-hearted and makes for an easier way to show off the leggings one’s gotta mention in order to stay in good graces with a brand one really fucks with. As a self-diagnosed ambivert, I overstand the simplicity and the complications.

Transparency is the new mystery yes, yet privacy still has its benefits.

For one, it gives us a safe space to share where we don’t have to second-guess someone’s motives. Privacy brings more value to our deep relationships IRL aka the special ones that had to be earned in a way that required more than just a double tap. Privacy also allows room for clarity… the more opinions we have from the outside world on a sensitive circumstance in our life, the more we invite confusion to pull up for dinner.

To be clear, because it is kind of weird to write about this subject knowing I have a community-- particularly my newsletter gang-- that I do love and share not only my light but my shadows with, when my intuition says “Nah Trace, I think you should be more honest,” I go there and it feels tremendously liberating for me. And it also forms a bond with others, many I’ve never met in the flesh, that is so necessary for my evolution. God willing, for our evolution.

In general, sharing is a social responsibility to me. It’s trash to feel like you’re on an island of one. To be heard, to be seen is as necessary as being fed and being sheltered. In my opinion anyway.

Because of what and how I share online, I remember there was a time when a reputable brand wanted to do a video feature of me. The first thing I was asked to be was vulnerable on the spot, without preparation, standing erect, staring into a camera lens instead of human eyes, spotlight on.

I bring this up because it reminded me that without creating an environment, an energy for vulnerability to potentially flow with ease, the request is more for us to perform rather than to emote.

And that shit feels weird.

And exhausting.

Idk, I’m just letting thoughts splash around. I could write a 1000 more words on how this pressure to share as openly as possible could make an introvert feel out of place or someone who just likes minding their own business and sharing that business in ways that doesn’t require any log-in info feel confused in a world that appears to reward the opposite. 

I have more questions than answers and so I’ll leave with this one… 

How do we responsibly create a space of openness while avoiding an invasion of privacy?

Hmmmm.

Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below!

PS!

I told my friend Denequa about this idea of privacy as wellness and we started talking about one of our favorite Hov songs “Ignorant Shit” where he says:

 So don't believe everythin' your earlobe captures, it's mostly backwards

Unless it happens to be as accurate as me

And everythin' said in song you happen to see

Then actually, believe half of what you see

None of what you hear, even if it's spat by me

I didn’t know where to place that in this blog post which is why I made a PS lmao. Idk I think it’s relevant. Most of us on social media are selective with what we post (how it’s positioned through words, brevity and imagery) but we rarely mention that it’s not the whole truth… even if it is an extra large hot slice of it.

 Because really, how could it be? 

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xx TG